This website primarily uses cookies to implement Dark Mode.

The Dutch made me put this message on my website.

Read more

I totally understand

Dark Mode

Menu.

x

Guides

Content

Programs

Volunteer

Apps

Misc

Put Yourself In Other People's Shoes

/put-yourself-in-other-peoples-shoes

With empathy we can learn to better understand others and think less from our own point of view.

tldr;

Struggle over none

What

Develop your capacity for empathy, as well as self-introspection.

How

By observing others.

When

While in public.

Duration

A few minutes at a time.

2019-03-18

Context

This exercise can be inherently difficult.

In large part because it demands you to think consciously beyond which you may feel comfortable.

In fact, half the reason why you’re addicted to porn is because of all the subconscious behaviours you’ve been constructing over the years, in order to deal with your own feelings of inadequacy etc.

Which meant putting your conscious awareness aside, which has now grown weak and must be retrained again from scratch.

With this exercise what we’re going to attempt to do is to try and understand what it’s like to be in the shoes of others.

And this kind of empathy is most prominent when we’re watching documentaries based on humanitarian crisis or exploitation, where we get to see people struggle first-hand.

Certainly part of the reason why this is easy, as opposed to what you’ll be attempting to do, is because you get to hear the stories of those people first-hand.

Instead of these people however, I want you to try and understand the people around you, whether that be your own friends and family, or even random strangers in public.

At the very least, to observe your own feelings of how you perceive others.

Now, although this may seem like an opportunity to judge, mock and possibly even condemn others, this truly isn’t the purpose of the exercise.

Essentially, it comes down to two different thing:

How you genuinely feel about others from their own individual point of view.

Observing and questioning the validity of those feelings.

And the benefits of this exercise are numerous.

Most prominently, attempting to try and understand others is an excellent way to uncover the extent to which we misunderstand ourselves.

Because if you’re feeling particularly negative about someone (or possibly positive) then that usually reflects in how we see ourselves.

Which is to say that our empathy is often a reflection of our ability to judge and self-criticise.


Instructions


For this exercise what we want to do is try and imagine what it’s like to be others from their point of view.

This exercise works best when you’re in public, usually sitting on public transport where you and the other person are both present.

Obviously, don’t go crazy and stare at the other person, but I’m sure you get the idea.

What can really help with this exercise is to first put all of your feelings and emotions aside, and just imagine a neutral version of yourself.

Then with this neutral version, imagine the other person being the same as well.

Starting with this blank slate can help immensely, because there’s no point jumping to conclusions straight away.

Then once you’re in that neutral mindset, you can begin to observe.

Does the other person look tense, or perhaps is it you who’s actually tense?

Are they happy, sad or entirely neutral? Does it look like their mind is pre-occupied? How can you possibly know?

How do you personally feel doing this exercise? Do you find it difficult or easy?

In addition, also realise the extent to which you simply cannot be empathetic.

What aspects of a person can you not feel? Is it because they’re aspects which you struggle to feel yourself?

Certainly, you may be surprised with what you discover.

Share on:

Comments

There are no comments yet for this article!

Leave A Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.

Further Questions?

Head on down to our NeverFap Deluxe subreddit or Discord where myself and others can help you with your questions.

Personal Coaching?

Let's organise a 10 Minute FREE Consultation so you can understand how The Reade© can help you achieve your goals.

NeverFap Deluxe Family

The NeverFap Deluxe Bible

/neverfap-deluxe-bible

Guided NeverFap Deluxe Meditation Series

/meditation

7 Day NeverFap Deluxe Kickstarter

/seven-day-kickstarter

Chrome NeverFap Deluxe Extension

/chrome-extension

Firefox NeverFap Deluxe Extension

/firefox-extension

Mobile NeverFap Deluxe Android App

/mobile-app

The NeverFap Deluxe Subreddit

/r/NeverFapDeluxe

YouTube NeverFap Deluxe Channel

/neverfap-deluxe-youtube

Twitter NeverFap Deluxe Account

/neverfap-deluxe-twitter

GitHub NeverFap Deluxe Open Source

/open-source

Instagram NeverFap Deluxe Account

/neverfap-deluxe-instagram

The NeverFap Deluxe Patreon

/neverfap-deluxe-patreon

Facebook NeverFap Deluxe Page

/neverfap-deluxe-facebook

Pinterest NeverFap Deluxe Account

/neverfap-deluxe-pinterest

Tumblr NeverFap Deluxe Account

/neverfap-deluxe-tumblr

Latest Articles

The Importance Of Developing A Mental Health Plan

/the-importance-of-developing-a-mental-health-plan

In this article we speak about the importance of having a solid mental health plan in place and how this can assist you with your recovery.

Summary:

  • Having a solid mental health plan puts you ahead of most people.
  • A mental health plan is designed to provide you with hard certainty.

Does Being In A Relationship Help With Overcoming Porn Addiction?

/does-being-in-a-relationship-help-with-overcoming-porn-addiction

In this article I discuss whether being in a relationship can help with your porn addiction recovery.

Summary:

  • Being in a relationship can help you better overcome your addiction.
  • Being in a relationship is by no means necessary for recovery.
  • Porn addiction recovery has absolutely nothing to do with sex.

Why We Struggle

/why-we-struggle

By identifying how we struggle, we can better understand the dynamics with which we think about the problems in our life.

Summary:

  • Struggle is a reflection of how you respond to expectation.
  • By learning to dissolve expectation we can learn to live without struggle in life.

The Difference Between NoFap And NeverFap Deluxe

/the-difference-between-nofap-and-neverfapdeluxe

In this article I discuss the fundamental difference between NoFap and NeverFap Deluxe as porn recovery ideologies.

Summary:

  • NeverFap Deluxe provides an opinionated method for recovery, while NoFap is not.
  • NeverFap Deluxe aims to rectify all of the shortcomings of NoFap.

Is Porn Fundamentally Wrong?

/is-porn-fundamentally-wrong

In this article I explore some this idea of pornography and whether it is wrong from a moral perspective.

Summary:

  • I don't believe there is anything fundamentally wrong with porn.
  • It's not a healthy attitude towards recovery, nor does it help us recover.

There Are No Super Powers When You Quit Porn

/there-are-no-super-powers-when-you-quit-porn

In this article I explore this idea of "super powers" and the benefits people perceive they might receive once they overcome their porn addiction.

Summary:

  • Overcoming porn addiction allows you to live your life with greater purpose.
  • Overcoming porn addiction doesn't instantly grant you anything, only a renewed opportunity to develop as an individual.

The Fallacy Of Motivation

/the-fallacy-of-motivation

In this article I write about the pitfalls of using motivation as a driving force for change in the context of porn addiciton recovery.

Summary:

  • Motivation is not persistent, it comes and goes.
  • Only by sticking to fundamental principles can you hope to guarantee success in your recovery.

7 Day NeverFap Deluxe Kickstarter

Boost your knowledge of meditation and awareness best practice with our FREE NeverFap Deluxe 7 day email series.

The Introduction - Day 0

The Trust - Day 1

The Awareness - Day 2

The Calmness - Day 3

The Meditation - Day 4

The Relapse - Day 5

The Consistency - Day 6

The Community - Day 7

Receive an email each day covering the basics of the NeverFap Deluxe Method!

NeverFap Deluxe
Latest Guided Meditation EP3 - Free Guided Meditation Series
Available on iTunes, Spotify and Castbox. Open Source under the GNU GPLv3 licence.