This website primarily uses cookies to implement Dark Mode.

The Dutch made me put this message on my website.

Read more

I totally understand

Dark Mode

Menu.

x

Guides

Content

Programs

Volunteer

Apps

Misc

Fighting Spirit

/fighting-spirit

In this exercise we talk about how to effectively address struggle, as well as how we needlessly fight ourselves.

tldr;

Struggle over none

What

Develop our awareness of how we struggle.

How

By identify key areas where we feel we fight ourselves.

When

When we have a moment alone.

Duration

As long as you feel necessary.

2019-12-09

Context

For a lot of people, struggle forms a large part of the porn addiction recovery experience and one of the primary reasons for this is because people simply don’t know any better.

When struggle is literally all you know, because you’ve experienced nothing but struggle up until now, then inherently it’s going to become a frame of mind which you will continually come to expect.

Every single step of the way.


I suppose a key thing to understand about struggle is that no one wants to struggle.


Which is to say that struggle is simply what takes place when people become desperate and clueness, in a final attempt to cope without actually knowing how to cope effectively at all.

It’s equivalent to screaming at a brick wall in an attempt to knock it down.

Part of it’s appeal is that it helps us create the feeling and emotion of progress, without actually helping us truly change, remain calm or develop control over our minds.

Which is to say that it’s a form of distraction at best.

So rather than struggle, what we aim to do instead is learn how to cope effectively with our emotions, so we can thrive, grow and accomplish as human beings.

Rather than continue to get nowhere.

And one of the biggest ways we struggle is when we fight ourselves.

How do we fight ourselves exactly?


Well, there's no hard-or-fast answer, however for many of us it's usually through some kind of self-judgement or reaction.


To better understand this, it can help to understand that in most cases our first response when we struggle or face difficulty is to react.

We think “Okay, things aren’t working out and I’m not feeling too great, and I need to do something about it.”

Inherently problems can arise when we don’t know what to do, and so in trying to react it simply makes us feel anxious, frustrated and depressed, as we try to scramble for a solution we do not have.

In other cases what happens is that we can even begin to self-criticise in our hopelessness, usually as a form of motivation or reasoning to our struggle.

“Why can’t I do this? Why is this so hard? Why am I so stupid for not being able to figure this out?”

Now the reason why I describe it as a fight is because much like screaming at a brick wall, reacting or being self-critical will always be a one-sided battle against yourself.


Which is to say that it will be a constant struggle until you learn to let go and simply refrain from these behaviours.


Because that truly is the alternative to fighting yourself: To simply be present with yourself and not to engage with these behaviours.

In other words, to simply remain calm and present with yourself, rather than pursue the judgement and reaction inherent in struggle.

Which can be difficult at first, especially if these behaviours have become habit overtime. However these are vital skills which must be learned at some point, so it’s either now or never.

You know, there’s a quote that goes something along the lines of “You are your own worst enemy” and this rings particularly true when it comes to porn addiction recovery.

When you fight yourself, whether it be resisting your daily meditation or doubting the recovery process, you engage yourself in struggle and you’re all-the-more poorer for it.

Put in the hard work and you’ll be fine.


Instructions


For this exercise what we want to do is identify the ways with which we fight ourselves.

Perhaps you’re particularly self-critical. Perhaps you react to your emotions and feelings, rather than simply let them go. Maybe you frequently doubt yourself.

Essentally anything you do which makes your recovery more difficult is a form of fight against yourself.

And so for the next week or so, I want you to be thinking about these ideas in back of your mind throughout the day, so you can become more familiar with your own strengths and weaknesses.

Ultimately the idea behind this exercise is to help you build your awareness of how and where you lose balance in your life.

In essence, so you can learn to let go of these behaviours and truly be free with yourself, although that’s something we’ll address in later exercises.

In most cases, simply becoming aware of your own behaviours can be enough to help you stop, however when it comes to things like self-limiting beliefs, a little more work may be required to truly put an end to these destructive patterns.

In addition, in order to help you identify how you fight yourself, it can help to understand that it takes two to tango, and that you are solely responsible for engaging in fight.

Which is to say that you actively pursue those behaviours whether you’re aware of it or not.

Regardless, happy hunting and I wish you best of luck with your journey.

Share on:

Comments

There are no comments yet for this article!

Leave A Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.

Further Questions?

Head on down to our NeverFap Deluxe subreddit or Discord where myself and others can help you with your questions.

Personal Coaching?

Let's organise a 10 Minute FREE Consultation so you can understand how The Reade© can help you achieve your goals.

NeverFap Deluxe Family

The NeverFap Deluxe Bible

/neverfap-deluxe-bible

Guided NeverFap Deluxe Meditation Series

/meditation

7 Day NeverFap Deluxe Kickstarter

/seven-day-kickstarter

Chrome NeverFap Deluxe Extension

/chrome-extension

Firefox NeverFap Deluxe Extension

/firefox-extension

Mobile NeverFap Deluxe Android App

/mobile-app

The NeverFap Deluxe Subreddit

/r/NeverFapDeluxe

YouTube NeverFap Deluxe Channel

/neverfap-deluxe-youtube

Twitter NeverFap Deluxe Account

/neverfap-deluxe-twitter

GitHub NeverFap Deluxe Open Source

/open-source

Instagram NeverFap Deluxe Account

/neverfap-deluxe-instagram

The NeverFap Deluxe Patreon

/neverfap-deluxe-patreon

Facebook NeverFap Deluxe Page

/neverfap-deluxe-facebook

Pinterest NeverFap Deluxe Account

/neverfap-deluxe-pinterest

Tumblr NeverFap Deluxe Account

/neverfap-deluxe-tumblr

Latest Articles

The Importance Of Developing A Mental Health Plan

/the-importance-of-developing-a-mental-health-plan

In this article we speak about the importance of having a solid mental health plan in place and how this can assist you with your recovery.

Summary:

  • Having a solid mental health plan puts you ahead of most people.
  • A mental health plan is designed to provide you with hard certainty.

Does Being In A Relationship Help With Overcoming Porn Addiction?

/does-being-in-a-relationship-help-with-overcoming-porn-addiction

In this article I discuss whether being in a relationship can help with your porn addiction recovery.

Summary:

  • Being in a relationship can help you better overcome your addiction.
  • Being in a relationship is by no means necessary for recovery.
  • Porn addiction recovery has absolutely nothing to do with sex.

Why We Struggle

/why-we-struggle

By identifying how we struggle, we can better understand the dynamics with which we think about the problems in our life.

Summary:

  • Struggle is a reflection of how you respond to expectation.
  • By learning to dissolve expectation we can learn to live without struggle in life.

The Difference Between NoFap And NeverFap Deluxe

/the-difference-between-nofap-and-neverfapdeluxe

In this article I discuss the fundamental difference between NoFap and NeverFap Deluxe as porn recovery ideologies.

Summary:

  • NeverFap Deluxe provides an opinionated method for recovery, while NoFap is not.
  • NeverFap Deluxe aims to rectify all of the shortcomings of NoFap.

Is Porn Fundamentally Wrong?

/is-porn-fundamentally-wrong

In this article I explore some this idea of pornography and whether it is wrong from a moral perspective.

Summary:

  • I don't believe there is anything fundamentally wrong with porn.
  • Understanding that porn is wrong is not a healthy attitude towards recovery, nor does it help us recover.

There Are No Super Powers When You Quit Porn

/there-are-no-super-powers-when-you-quit-porn

In this article I explore this idea of "super powers" and the benefits people perceive they might receive once they overcome their porn addiction.

Summary:

  • Overcoming porn addiction allows you to live your life with greater purpose.
  • Overcoming porn addiction doesn't instantly grant you anything, only a renewed opportunity to develop as an individual.

The Fallacy Of Motivation

/the-fallacy-of-motivation

In this article I write about the pitfalls of using motivation as a driving force for change in the context of porn addiciton recovery.

Summary:

  • Motivation is not persistent, it comes and goes.
  • Only by sticking to fundamental principles can you hope to guarantee success in your recovery.

7 Day NeverFap Deluxe Kickstarter

Boost your knowledge of meditation and awareness best practice with our FREE NeverFap Deluxe 7 day email series.

The Introduction - Day 0

The Trust - Day 1

The Awareness - Day 2

The Calmness - Day 3

The Meditation - Day 4

The Relapse - Day 5

The Consistency - Day 6

The Community - Day 7

Receive an email each day covering the basics of the NeverFap Deluxe Method!

NeverFap Deluxe
Latest Guided Meditation EP3 - Free Guided Meditation Series
Available on iTunes, Spotify and Castbox. Open Source under the GNU GPLv3 licence.