"Why am I A Porn Addict?"

tldr;

Asking why we are has little to do with actually changing who we are.

Over asking why is a process called rumination, and it is a form of self-harm

Actions are responsible for helping us change. Rationalisations on the other hand do not help in any way.

2018-11-13

It’s a question you’ve probably been thinking about for a while.

“Why am I a porn addict?”

Questioning why we may have become porn addicts within the first place is a place where a lot of people start out with their porn recovery journey.

Usually it entails reasoning along the lines that we must first figure out why we watch porn, and then target that thing which we believe is the root cause of our addiction.


After all, it seems like an incredibly logical and reliable thing to do.


In a lot of cases, this kind of questioning leads us to the conclusion that the reason why we’re porn addicts is because porn itself is an addictive behaviour.

Which again, makes sense logically, especially if you spend a lot of time reading up on how porn and masturbation affects our dopamine levels.

Therefore, a lot of porn addicts then come to the conclusion that the only way to deal with their addiction is through discipline.

In the hope that they can somehow get past their cravings long enough that they can then refrain from relapsing and end up remaining stable within the process.

…and it’s these kinds of approaches which form part of the reason why most people don’t get very far with their porn recovery.

Which stems solely from first attempting to understand why we are the way we are.


In fact, trying to understand why we are porn addicts at all, is one of the biggest traps that recovering porn addicts fall into.


Put simply, the reason why this is the case is because it’s a lot less relevant to figuring out how to change it.

It’s like trying to figure out your life purpose by asking the question:

“Why do I exist?”

Well, I can tell you now that why you exist has no correlation to what purpose you have in life.

You can have purpose for absolutely any reason imaginable, as you can be a porn addict for any number of reasons.

On the other hand, if you actually want to figure out your life purpose, then I suggest doing a heap of things and seeing what sticks.


You see, you don't figure out what you want in life by thinking about it.


You figure out what you want by experiencing it, and then evaluating that experience.

Overcoming porn addiction is no different.

At it’s core it’s about doing a heap of different things and seeing what works and what does not.

Of course, you obviously don’t need to be so brash and uninformed with your approach.

Much like how you don’t need to murder someone to realise that you probably don’t want to become a full-time murderer.

There are plenty of guides and resources out there to help you overcome your porn addiction.


The great thing about NeverFap Deluxe is that you no longer have to waste your time doing things that do not work.


If you commit to the practices and exercises on this website, and you’ll pretty much be alright.

Otherwise, the alterative is to continue asking ‘why’ and hope that we have some sudden spark of awareness which will magically alter our brain so as not to pursue the behaviours we’ve been doing since we were a young child.

Good luck with that.

In fact, there’s a word used to describe what it means to incessantly ask ‘why’ all the time.


It’s called rumination.


And I personally consider it a form of self-harm.

Rumination is when you continually spur over your thoughts, without actually pursuing any hard actions as a result.

Understandably, it is an instinctive human response to ask why.

But when we do it excessively, it serves no purpose and it becomes a literal bottleneck in terms of affecting our ability to process and produce information.


Which is to say that asking why is great for creating an initial assessment, however beyond that it becomes nothing more than a harmful burden.


If we look at something like learning to play basketball, it’s clear there are a number of key skills we must learn.

For example, there’s dribbling, shooting, blocking and learning to run with the ball.

It doesn’t matter if you don’t understand what materials a basketball is made of, nor even who invented basketball.

Regardless of what your understanding of the sentiment behind basketball, those are the core skills you are going to have to learn.


Another way of putting it is that we must focus on the how, rather than the why.


If it helps you can think of the understanding is the ‘why’, while the core skills are the ‘how’.

When we focus on how to achieve something, we no longer become concerned with trying to define our circumstances using pre-existing knowledge.

Instead, we become actively focused on actions which will help us change our reality for the better.

Questions such as:


“How am I a porn addict?”

“What do I on a daily basis which makes me a porn addict?”

“What do I have to do in order to avoid porn addiction?”


From reasons to tangible processes, you also completely change the way you think about your own problems.

No longer do they become about building narratives or perceptions of who you are. Instead, they become about the mechanical details of what makes you a porn addict.

Because at the end of the day, addiction is a process.

It is something you actively engage in and contribute towards, whether you quite realise it or not.

And although attempting to understand why you may be engaged in this process may seem useful, it is also a really indirect way of trying to influence how it functions.

To be a little bit more precise, here are a list of the whys which you shouldn’t concern yourself with:


“Why am I a porn addict?”

“Why do I find overcoming porn addiction so difficult?”


These are all meaningless questions.

Instead, these are the types of questions we need to be thinking about:


“What can I do to influence my porn addiction?”

“What are the steps leading up to when I watch porn?”

“How do I think about women?”

“How do I fall into the trap of believing that it’s okay to watch porn?”


Aside from the rest of the introductory articles on this website, I highly recommend taking a look at some of the practices on offer, so you can begin to make actual changes to your life today.

Hopefully this article clarifies the change of thinking that needs to take place, in order for us to overcome our porn addiction.

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Questions?

Head on down to our NeverFap Deluxe subreddit or Discord channel where myself and others can help you with your questions.

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