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The Most Important Thing Porn Addicts Don't Do

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This article describes how porn addicts delay their recovery by not properly engaging with the process.

tldr;

The most important thing porn addicts don't do is consciously engage with their mind.

Instead, they remain within their own comfort zone, often without realising it.

2019-08-13

It’s sort of interesting to observe those who do really well with NeverFap Deluxe, and those who simply don’t.

As someone who talks to literally hundreds of porn addicts each week, I’ve become quite adept at identifying other people’s problems.

In large part, because almost all porn addicts share the exact same problems, and once you are able to identify those core problems, you literally transform into an automated jukebox of sorts.

“It’s because you’re failing to consciously use your mind.” “It’s because you failed to trust the process.” “Wait, you don’t even have a mental health plan?”

And as a guide of sorts, it’s my job to try and desperately guide people towards what they should be doing, and it can be a frustrating job at times, because although I can literally see what is going on in their mind in vivid detail.

They’re often completely oblivious to almost all their own short-comings, in a way that often makes it impossible for me to describe those details in any meaningful way.

It’s like, although we’re both speaking the same language, that doesn’t necessarily translate efficiently in their own minds, often getting muddled by their own personal interpretation.


Certainly, this is most prevalent when I talk to people about awareness and in particular, this concept of conscious awareness.


Part of the problem is that this idea of ‘awareness’ is such an elusive concept that it’s almost impossible for me to truly explain what it is without getting lost in the subjectivity that is our own living experience.

Especially when you’re trying to explain these concepts to porn addicts who are inherently delusional, and who are adamantly detached from reality, and who don’t believe that there’s anything wrong with their own capacity for conscious awareness.

It’s part of the reason why addicts will meditate briefly, only to fail to see the value in it because it hasn’t yet clicked in any meaningful way, which leads them to never attempt meditation again.

Without realising that the reason why it didn’t click is because they never fully understood how to meditate correctly, nor with the right mindset.

All because they’ve most likely misunderstood this concept of conscious awareness, and how a practice like meditation can help enhance that.

Which hey, is exactly what I went through with my own journey, so I’m certainly not blaming anyone.

However, it’s also part of the reason why I delayed my own porn addiction recovery by a good 5 years, simply because I was too cynical to understand otherwise.

And perhaps if I’d been taught differently, I would have recovered much, much sooner.

So with all this in mind, what is the biggest mistake that porn addicts make in regards to their porn addiction recovery?


The biggest mistake people make is that they don't conscious engage with their minds.


A key thing to understand about practices such as meditation, is that their sole purpose is to assist you in consciously engaging with your own mind.

Sitting there and “committing” to 10 minutes of meditation without truly engaging with your mind, is no better than not meditating at all.

And certainly, that’s what I was doing without realising it.

My idea of meditation back in the day was to simply sit there without thinking.

You know, like to just “empty your mind” and sit there in a state of calm, without truly being present with myself

Which completely misses the point of it.

Meditation isn’t solely about emptying your mind. In fact, it actually has nothing to do with emptying your mind at all. It’s about consciously engaging with your mind and being present with your mind, which as a side-effect happens to empty your mind.

Ultimately it can help to understand that change is not effective if it’s not meaningful, and in the context of porn addiction recovery, conscious awareness is meaningful change.

The reason why it’s important to conscious engage your mind is because that’s what is because that is what is going to be most meaningful when dealing with difficult situations.

So for example, when you’re experiencing an urge to watch porn and you’re feeling as if you’re losing control of your mind, what your meditation practice allows you to do in this moment, is consciously stop your mind and be present with those feelings in a healthy way.

Which as a result, dissolves them and returns you back to balance.

Because you sitting there and “emptying your thoughts” without consciously engaging your mind as you may have been doing, simply isn’t going to cut it when you have an urge.


With the idea being that by practicing mindfulness while our minds are relatively stable, we can be more prepared to deal with difficult situations later down the track.


So to the tough question, how do you consciously engage with your mind? Well, there are a number of exercises in our practices section which can help you develop these skills to a large degree.

And it really is as simple as using your mins in a calculated way.

A good exercise you can do is to simply stare at your hand, and really take notice of the outline of your hand.

Any kind of exercise which directly connects you to reality is great for this, especially when it comes to the subject of your own feelings and emotions.

Ultimately, understand that there is no alternative to using your mind, which is largely what you have been designed to do as a human being.

Perhaps you have spent most of your life trying to escape who you are and to keep your mind preoccupied with endless distractions.

Well, we’re here to address that so your mind can become king again.

Without a conscious mind you are nothing.

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