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Improvements I've Noticed From My 300+ Day Porn Addiction Recovery Journey

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I thought I'd write a summary of some of the changes I've experiencing throughout my 300+ day porn addiction recovery journey.

tldr;

The difference is honestly night and day.

I have more energy, I have pure focus and I have literally become a machine of productivity.

2019-09-10

This article has been difficult to write because I haven’t experienced the effects of porn, masturbation and orgasm for so long, that it’s truly become a distant memory to me.

Largely because I’ve so routinely stuck to my mental health regime that it’s not even something I’ve thought about in close to 6 months.

I just know what I have to do to get through each day with a positive and healthy mindset, and the delegation end there.

Which I suppose is the first thing to note about what happens when you do eventually recover from your porn addiction.


It honestly feels as if you were never addicted to porn to begin with.


For the first time in my life, I’ve finally come to realise what it means to be this word ‘normal’.

Like, normal in the truest sense of feeling like this is what the real ‘me’ actually feels like.

Unencumbered by guilt, shame, and all those awful feelings and emotions which I used to associate with daily life.

And unlike what I thought normal would be as this average drudge into adulthood, being normal is actually one of the most exciting and encouraging things I have ever felt in my entire life.

Like, it’s the version of me which I’ve always wanted and always dreamed of, but could never quite figure out in any capacity, and it’s something which I would say truly needs to be experienced in order to be understood.

In terms of hard benefits there are a few key areas I would like to discuss.


The first thing I'd like to note is the energy increase that I've experienced from no longer masturbating on a daily basis.


Obviously, in part because orgasm is inherently draining on both a physical and emotional level.

However, I think a large part of it actually has to do with no longer experiencing those intense feelings of guilt and shame that came with masturbating daily, often because I was hiding my habit from others.

Which was hugely draining.

Not to mention the complete helplessness I would feel in relation to being unable to control myself, and how that affected me mentally on a daily basis.

This emotional toll is what I believe had the biggest impact on me in terms of how I felt as a human being.

…and to have all of that completely disappear from my life, is like having the world’s heaviest weight’s taken from my shoulders. It even makes me want to cry thinking about it.

I feel truly free for the first time in my life, and wow. I couldn’t possibly describe what that feels like in any coherent way.

I’m focused. I’m in control of my thoughts. Most of all, I feel powerful. I feel so incredibly powerful because I get to dictate how I use my mind, which is a weird thing to write when you think about it, but not so weird when you consider how little control many of us truly have.

And that really signifies the biggest benefit from my own personal point of view.


I now have the power and energy in order to be able to pursue my ambitions effortlessly.


No more being motivated for a week, only to relapse and have all that ambition thrown away overnight.

I have literally become a machine of productivity. Like, I more-or-less have zero downtime now and you know the best part?

I haven’t burnt out.

As someone with bipolar disorder, I used to burn out every 2 or 3 weeks, resulting in a few weeks of depression and demotivation and it became this viscious cycle which eventually caused me to give up entirely, as it simply too unbearable to continue this cycle of emotional pinball.

Now that I have control over my mind, I really am not joking when I say that I’ve become a machine.

I can work with full focus, almost permanently and because I’m meditating and maintaining my mental health, there’s no overhead.

I have no need to relax. I have no need to ‘decompress’. I am motivated and functional like a well-oiled machine.

From an emotional perspective, it’s like… everything has become effortless. I’m no longer fighting myself. I’m remaining stable and aware of my thoughts and behaviours.

Like, this is what ‘normal’ is. I’m functionally normally for the first time and it’s so incredibly enabling that it’s just mind-blowing when I come to think about it.

I now feel enabled in every possible way, and it’s just fantasic.


Another significant aspect which has changed is the way I view sex and women.


In particular, I no longer obsess over sex and I no longer view women as sex objects.

A large part of this is as a result of my ambition in other areas of life. Like, now that I’m fully focused on my ambitions, I simply don’t have time to think about women.

I mean, I still think about my partner, but I certainly don’t bother myself with obsessing over

I mean, sure. I’m still a guy. I still love women. I still more-or-less want to have sex with every woman I see. I’m not denying that, and I’m sure most men feel the same way.

The difference now is that I mentally don’t ever get to that point. I don’t waste my energy looking at women in public. I simply don’t even have these thoughts. What purpose could they possibly serve to my self-development as a human being?

And it doesn’t matter if it’s other men or women, they are simply human beings. Other people with thoughts and ideas, just like you.

But I suppose this also highlights the nature of recovery. There is no such thing as being “recovered” in the sense that you’ll never watch porn again, but it’s also not a scary concept.

It’s a bit like hunger. You get hungry, then you eat, then you’re no longer hungry for a period. Yet it’s not something people freak out about, because it’s viewed as an inherent part of life.

Porn addiction is quite similar, except instead of hunger you have balance. You’re in balance, then you do something or something happens which knocks you off balance, so you meditate in order to get back into balance again.

The tricky part is convincing people that this is an inherent part of life, as opposed to some optional extra.

Anyway, I’m sure this article came across as more of a motivated rant, rather than a dialectical concerning of convention.

Point is, it totally can be done.

Stick to the process, respect yourself and everything will be fine.

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