People often ask me whether being in a relationship helps with overcoming porn addiction.

In fact, a lot of people are somewhat sold on this idea that they won’t be able to overcome their porn addiction unless if they’re first in a relationship.

However, this is a self-destructive way of viewing recovery, one which is both completely understandable (as that’s how I personally felt to a large extent) and which can be addressed through an improved understanding of the dynamics of recovery.

So let’s begin.

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Can being in a relationship help with your porn addiction recovery journey?

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In real terms, it absolutely can.

Being in a healthy relationship can be an incredibly positive thing, not only to have someone to confide in and be honest with, but also to receive support from when the going gets tough.

Certainly, not because being in a relationship has anything inherently to do with porn addiction, but because healthy relationships are healthy.

Of course, if you’re part of a toxic relationship which doesn’t help you remain balanced both mentally and physically, then you’re better off being single.

So what does support mean in the context of a healthy relationship?

Well, it means having another person in your life who understands you, loves you and is able to treat you with empathy and care.

What doesn’t it mean?

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I can say quite sternly that it has absolutely nothing to do with sex, and this is where most people go wrong.

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A lot of people assume that regular sex is an important part of the porn recovery process, with the understanding that it will mean that they’ll no longer desire porn since they will be engaging in sex instead.

However, this couldn’t be further from the truth.

For starters, porn addiction has nothing to do with sex.

It is purely a mental health issue and you will continue to crave porn irrespective of whether you are having sex or not.

Unless if you also specifically dedicate time and attention towards addressing your addiction.

Part of the reason why sex isn’t primarily helpful within and of itself, is because it isn’t designed to teach you awareness, calmness, nor help you develop control over your mind.

The other reason is because most people are pursuing sex in order to orgasm, which is huge no-no when it comes to porn addiction recovery.

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with the act of sex itself and this advice largely applies to those who are sold on this idea that sex is necessary for recovery.

Which in most cases, indicates an unhealthy obsession with sex for all the wrong reasons, primarily as a form of distraction, which is no different to binge eating in order to deal with your problems.

The reason why you are a porn addiction is because you do not know how to effectively use your mind.

Sex won’t help you address this problem effectively.

On the other hand, having another person in your life to help you understand your condition and explain your problems to you from a different perspective, may help you with that goal.

Of course, there’s a few things you as an individual must do in order to receive this support from your relationship, or even from family and friends who can just as easily serve this role in your life.

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The first step is to be honest and come clean about your addiction.

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This is often where most the difficulty lies and it took me close to five years to truly admit the extent to which I was struggling.

Although I’d spoken about my problems to my partner, I wasn’t truly being open and honest with her and I didn’t feel fully comfortable exposing how I felt to her.

However, the moment I told her everything …wow.

It was like a huge burden had been lifted from my shoulders, and actually, my recovery didn’t become relatively easy until this very point.

To no longer feel the sense of guilt and shame that I’d been feeling daily about myself was astonishing. I felt truly free for the first time in years, and it was incredible.

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The next most important thing to do is to maintain that communication with your partner.

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Certainly, your partner can’t help you if you’re not actively engaging with them about your problems, so don’t forget to regularly let them know how you feel and how you’re coping with life, so they can effectively support you.

Regardless of whether you have a partner or not, being in a relationship is by no means at all necessary for you to overcome your porn addiction.

Ultimately what matters is sticking to your daily mental health routine of meditation and awareness, as that’s largely what is going to result in long-term changes.

They can merely serve as a support towards helping you stick to your routine.

Only you have the power to make those hard decisions in your life, such as how you choose to react in response to a difficult situation, which they cannot help make for you.

Of course, if you’re still sold on this idea you absolutely must be in a relationship to be satisfied in life, here’s a great tip that a lot of people overlook.

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Being in and discovering a healthy relationship is simply a consequence of having proper mental health.

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Which is to say that you can’t force a healthy relationship, nor find someone to be in a healthy relationship with until you first have your mental health sorted out.

Only once you have your mental health down-pat, will your ability to pursue meaningful relationships become effortless.

Not only with the people you meet in life, but also with the existing people in your life as well.

So really, the main take away from this article is to focus on yourself and your own mental health. There are no silver bullets or quick answers to developing control over your mind.

However committing to the correct processes will bring you a very long way towards becoming porn free and more mentally capable.